The "What Ifs" and "Would Haves"

OK.. yes.. still homesick.. eff that.. can't get over that! it'll be wrong to try to fight it, but its wrong to let it control me. I dont know what to do with all this shit thrown at me.

As you can see from the title of this entry, I am still thinking "what if?" or "this is how it would've been". Lets start with my main regret. Ateneo.. I really wanted to go to that school. Some may think I only wanted to go there only to be with Paula. Well, you're wrong. I showed interest in transferring to that school even before we became a couple. Going to the same school as here would be a major perk. It would be more than awesome! but what attracted me to ateneo was the tradition, spirit and pride you can't get from many other schools. Not only that, I am positive the education there is above par. Now, I wonder.. WHAT IF i went there? I could be home, doing work I'd be proud of. I worked my ass to the bone to get accepted. Everything im doing here is out of formalities sake.. no heart, no mind put into my work. There is no motivation here. I cannot say I am a proud student of this university. Being here is something I have no pride in. I see the pride in other people, but i cannot feed off them.

I WOULD HAVE been proud of my school if I went to ateneo. I WOULD HAVE done my work with pride and gusto. as i said, I worked my ASS off to get into that school and I DID! taking that away from me was SHIT!! its almost like an architect lost his blueprint, like a navigator lost his map, like a parent lost his child!! something you wanted so much, something you would've loved taken away from you?

tell me honestly, how would I feel? I feel.. LOST, ROBBED, DEPRESSED and RAGED.

I'm here by Mistake!

I've been here for about a month now, and I can say its waaaay different than back home. Weather is quite the opposite, the people are differently cultured, schooling system is quite confusing and the lifestyle is just not for me.
I was told that the schooling here is better, but honestly I am not impressed. They say a person has a better future if they've studied here, that could be wrong.
In my classes, i meet a few people and get to tell them that Im from the Philippines and they're usually caught off guard when I mention that. Some say "oh thats cool", some times I get the question "why did you come all the way here?". I answer all their questions with joy, but I also got this question that really made me think hard about a lot of things.. people ask me "do they speak english there?" or.. "how come your english is so good?". As a person who came here for an education, I got quite insulted. Maybe the word Insulted isn't the right one, but can anyone think of a better word?
University is supposed to prepare you for the world, but university here prepares you for here. I was told that a university here would prepare me for international issues/events or whatever, but i was given the wrong information. I learned more about the world back in the Philippines than Im learning here so far. In one class, I am studying the effects of pollution here in Canada... what about the rest of the world? In one class, I am studying the popular culture of Canada... what about the rest of the world? It seems its the Philippines that looks at things from an international standpoint. Oh well..
I find it funny how lots of people come to this country for many different reasons, but the country doesn't know much about the rest of the world? Can someone seriously tell me why this is? I've been put here by mistake, thats all I can say.