7 Days.. part 1

I am home, but not for much longer. 7 days and then I return to Canada. I return to sadness, enmity and loneliness. Not one bit of me wants to return. I have no purpose to return there and no desire to do so. Just a recap. When I'm in Canada, all I do is sit in my dorm and count the days till I come back. Each day is just crap! a good day consists of good conversations from people on Yahoo Messenger, MSN or Skype! Thats all I want to do! Keep in touch with home! Nothing is more important to me than home. Being in Canada has just been too tough on me. Call me a wuss or a weakling and I wont give a damn! thats who I am.

I had a conversation with my parents a few days ago about moving back here. I want to move back not because of my love interest, but because I am not learning anything in Canada! What would be the use of going to a university if I'm not learning from it? My dad said I gave up too early on Canada. Its ironic, cause I feel it's too late now. To get into the school of my choice here would be nearly impossible now. My grades are low, and I don't think there is anything I can do to make them any better. Even with all the motivation I have, what I can do is not enough. Its just not working for me. Things work too differently there.

Another thing that has been bugging me is that so many of my friends know what they want to be and I don't. Doctors, Businessmen, Musicians, Teachers or Chefs. My friends know what they want! how come I don't? It kills me everyday that I don't know what I want my future to be! The scary part is, part of me doesn't care anymore. I'm turning 20 in a few months, I should be thinking of the future, but I can't. Right now, I know my future is going to be a fruitful one. I'm in a school that I hate. It's going to be nearly impossible to get into the school I want here. If I don't get into that one, then I won't get into other schools as well. If I don't get into these schools, then I'd have to stay in the one I hate. As of now, my future doesn't get my excited. As of now, I don't care about my future.